Everyone wants to feel wanted. That is just human nature. We wish to feel loved and needed by someone, but in a society composed of one night stands, guarded hearts, and arguments over text messages, we find ourselves lost in finding someone to share a life with. Perhaps past generations shared the same difficulties and perhaps technology has made it easier to make those 'love' problems with our generation more easier to share with others, but there are problems nonetheless.
Now some are lucky and find someone for them in high school. Others, such as myself, go through constant trial and errors, growing weary of having to start over and over again. So much so that one gets to the point of just settling with whoever will take them, even if one knows that the person they are with is not right for them. I, myself, have gotten to that point.
In brief, I have what I suppose my generation would call a "boo thing". A guy I'm not necessarily close with emotionally, but am physically. We have been off and on since last September, yet we are still at the same point as we were when we begun this...whatever-ship it is. Since we met, we really only saw each other twice or thrice a month even though we lived within 5 miles of one another (since I was in a college town). Then I moved in January and we have seen each other once a month (I still go back to the college town to see my best friend who is going there for grad school now), even though I broke things off with him back in February...on Valentine's Day (which was also my birthday weekend).
Now, we made up a couple weeks back and I would very much like to see where this will lead, especially since the longest I had ever been with the same guy was a month and that was only the relationship I was in before I met this current one (I'm not great at getting into relationships). And as much as I would like to see and hope that things might turn out well for us, I can't help but know that we are not a good fit together. Yet I don't want to quit on him. I don't want to have to start all over again on a new guy, especially now that I live back in my hometown where there are not many guys my age that are single and of whom I would actually want to try to be with.
However, I am also constantly questioning whether he wants to be with me or not. Since I broke things off in February he's messaged me at least one every week or so, which leaves me thinking why try that much if he had the chance to be free from me? But yet why make stories on Snapchat (that picture/video app) that he knows will cause me to grow angry at him? It is a constant back and forth with him but I don't know how to bring myself to end things for good with him....mostly because deep down I still hold on to a little piece of hope.
My apologies for that gushy stuff. You don't need to now every little detail of my love problems. This is a blog about getting a start in life not about love, right? But I figured since romance and partners is a lost hope for some people I thought I'd share that you are not alone. That not everyone finds their significant one, if there is such a thing, by your 20s. Because at this point in life it is important to focus on yourself and what you want out of life. What are your desires? What do you want to pursue in life? Because I can tell you from firsthand experience that those are the big questions. The type of questions that will keep your head spinning for quite a while.
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