All my life I wanted to grow up to do something in the entertainment industry such as be part of crew for films, shoot music videos, or write scripts. However, now that I have grown I'm not exactly sure what I want. Given I would still love to be part of a sitcom or big time film but the fact that I'm lost in trying to figure out how to get a start has discouraged me from this ultimate dream.
I have always been career orientated but now that I no longer have a sense of direction as to which I am headed I have lost my motivation. So how can one be successful? How do you take a chance? How do you hold your breath and dive right in to something you are unsure about?
I would love the opportunity to travel around the world and meet new people and be exposed to different cultures and scenery. To be doing something that I enjoy doing and also helps pay the bills enough so that I don't have to worry about expenses as much. I just want to be able to enjoy life. To be surrounded by people that make me happy while at a job where I'm not constantly staring at the clock in hope that my shift will end soon. But how, and better yet when, do I reach that goal? That dream? When can I start living instead of just merely existing?
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Sunday, June 5, 2016
The Beginning: Current 'Love' Life
Everyone wants to feel wanted. That is just human nature. We wish to feel loved and needed by someone, but in a society composed of one night stands, guarded hearts, and arguments over text messages, we find ourselves lost in finding someone to share a life with. Perhaps past generations shared the same difficulties and perhaps technology has made it easier to make those 'love' problems with our generation more easier to share with others, but there are problems nonetheless.
Now some are lucky and find someone for them in high school. Others, such as myself, go through constant trial and errors, growing weary of having to start over and over again. So much so that one gets to the point of just settling with whoever will take them, even if one knows that the person they are with is not right for them. I, myself, have gotten to that point.
In brief, I have what I suppose my generation would call a "boo thing". A guy I'm not necessarily close with emotionally, but am physically. We have been off and on since last September, yet we are still at the same point as we were when we begun this...whatever-ship it is. Since we met, we really only saw each other twice or thrice a month even though we lived within 5 miles of one another (since I was in a college town). Then I moved in January and we have seen each other once a month (I still go back to the college town to see my best friend who is going there for grad school now), even though I broke things off with him back in February...on Valentine's Day (which was also my birthday weekend).
Now, we made up a couple weeks back and I would very much like to see where this will lead, especially since the longest I had ever been with the same guy was a month and that was only the relationship I was in before I met this current one (I'm not great at getting into relationships). And as much as I would like to see and hope that things might turn out well for us, I can't help but know that we are not a good fit together. Yet I don't want to quit on him. I don't want to have to start all over again on a new guy, especially now that I live back in my hometown where there are not many guys my age that are single and of whom I would actually want to try to be with.
However, I am also constantly questioning whether he wants to be with me or not. Since I broke things off in February he's messaged me at least one every week or so, which leaves me thinking why try that much if he had the chance to be free from me? But yet why make stories on Snapchat (that picture/video app) that he knows will cause me to grow angry at him? It is a constant back and forth with him but I don't know how to bring myself to end things for good with him....mostly because deep down I still hold on to a little piece of hope.
My apologies for that gushy stuff. You don't need to now every little detail of my love problems. This is a blog about getting a start in life not about love, right? But I figured since romance and partners is a lost hope for some people I thought I'd share that you are not alone. That not everyone finds their significant one, if there is such a thing, by your 20s. Because at this point in life it is important to focus on yourself and what you want out of life. What are your desires? What do you want to pursue in life? Because I can tell you from firsthand experience that those are the big questions. The type of questions that will keep your head spinning for quite a while.
Now some are lucky and find someone for them in high school. Others, such as myself, go through constant trial and errors, growing weary of having to start over and over again. So much so that one gets to the point of just settling with whoever will take them, even if one knows that the person they are with is not right for them. I, myself, have gotten to that point.
In brief, I have what I suppose my generation would call a "boo thing". A guy I'm not necessarily close with emotionally, but am physically. We have been off and on since last September, yet we are still at the same point as we were when we begun this...whatever-ship it is. Since we met, we really only saw each other twice or thrice a month even though we lived within 5 miles of one another (since I was in a college town). Then I moved in January and we have seen each other once a month (I still go back to the college town to see my best friend who is going there for grad school now), even though I broke things off with him back in February...on Valentine's Day (which was also my birthday weekend).
Now, we made up a couple weeks back and I would very much like to see where this will lead, especially since the longest I had ever been with the same guy was a month and that was only the relationship I was in before I met this current one (I'm not great at getting into relationships). And as much as I would like to see and hope that things might turn out well for us, I can't help but know that we are not a good fit together. Yet I don't want to quit on him. I don't want to have to start all over again on a new guy, especially now that I live back in my hometown where there are not many guys my age that are single and of whom I would actually want to try to be with.
However, I am also constantly questioning whether he wants to be with me or not. Since I broke things off in February he's messaged me at least one every week or so, which leaves me thinking why try that much if he had the chance to be free from me? But yet why make stories on Snapchat (that picture/video app) that he knows will cause me to grow angry at him? It is a constant back and forth with him but I don't know how to bring myself to end things for good with him....mostly because deep down I still hold on to a little piece of hope.
My apologies for that gushy stuff. You don't need to now every little detail of my love problems. This is a blog about getting a start in life not about love, right? But I figured since romance and partners is a lost hope for some people I thought I'd share that you are not alone. That not everyone finds their significant one, if there is such a thing, by your 20s. Because at this point in life it is important to focus on yourself and what you want out of life. What are your desires? What do you want to pursue in life? Because I can tell you from firsthand experience that those are the big questions. The type of questions that will keep your head spinning for quite a while.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
The Beginning: Current Occupation
To start things off, I'll introduce where I am at in this new chapter of my life. Back in December I received my degree: a Bachelor of Arts in Digital Production with minors in Creative Writing and History. I have longed to work in the film business as a camera operator, assistant, or really any crew position on a film or television series. However, since my graduation, I have begun to lack that interest. Yes, I would still love the chance to work on a film or television series (preferably a sitcom or drama), but the reality is the entertainment industry is a fairly difficult one to gain access into. You must have connections and as an introvert who has a hard time meeting new people and continuing friendships for long periods of time, I have realized that gaining access into the film industry will be even tougher for someone with a personality such as mine.
And now I sit here. Half a year later, staring at a piece of paper I'm not sure I'm really even proud of receiving, and wondering if I made the right choice. Don't get me wrong, I loved my major. I loved all the classes I took and all the friends I made, but I lack confidence in myself. I lack the hope that will be able to get my foot in that very narrow door. I fear that my time and money was wasted on something I may never have the chance of doing due to my lack of trained experience (which is something many employers in this field look for in applicants).
So I sit here, asking myself: What now?
Where do I go from here? Since my graduation, I have been promoted in my retail job that I have had for 4 years but it's just supposed to be the backup plan, not the permanent plan. I don't want to be trapped in this job. I want to be able to use my diploma, that expensive piece of paper, and get a job that I'll enjoy going to and working at. A job where I look forward to the days I work rather than the days I have off. A job where I won't feel so burnt out to point I grow to dislike it. But how do I get that start? How do I find what's right for me without losing a job that is paying decently for someone of my age and status?
And now I sit here. Half a year later, staring at a piece of paper I'm not sure I'm really even proud of receiving, and wondering if I made the right choice. Don't get me wrong, I loved my major. I loved all the classes I took and all the friends I made, but I lack confidence in myself. I lack the hope that will be able to get my foot in that very narrow door. I fear that my time and money was wasted on something I may never have the chance of doing due to my lack of trained experience (which is something many employers in this field look for in applicants).
So I sit here, asking myself: What now?
Where do I go from here? Since my graduation, I have been promoted in my retail job that I have had for 4 years but it's just supposed to be the backup plan, not the permanent plan. I don't want to be trapped in this job. I want to be able to use my diploma, that expensive piece of paper, and get a job that I'll enjoy going to and working at. A job where I look forward to the days I work rather than the days I have off. A job where I won't feel so burnt out to point I grow to dislike it. But how do I get that start? How do I find what's right for me without losing a job that is paying decently for someone of my age and status?
The Start of a New Chapter
So you've just graduated. You're finally free from small classrooms, excruciating finals, and that weird guy who kept sitting next to you ever since you were partnered up in that 101 class back in freshman year. The taste of victory is real as you hold your diploma in your hand. One single piece of paper worth thousands of dollars and hundreds of late night cram sessions. A smile creeps upon your face. You did it. You finally did it. You are 100% done with school. You look up from that thousand dollar paper that you worked so hard to get only to have your smile die as you realize- you are 100% done with school.
All your life it has been nothing but routine and goal setting and expectations, and now...now what? How do you go from living a life centered around schooling to entering complete adulthood?
Well if you know the answer can you please tell me? Because that is the standing in which I have found myself. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? Did I pick the right degree? What do I even do with it? Will this piece of paper ever get me anywhere or was it a waste of time and money? How can I get a job when they want experience and I have none to offer? How can I get experience if no one will hire me because I do not have experience? Seems like a major Catch-22 to me.
So, I have created this blog in hopes of hearing from others who have been through this same situation, to give me hope that there's more than just attending school. That life will turn around and I will stop feeling so lost in such a huge world. My other hope in creating this blog is that if I do find a way to get through this difficult chapter in life then perhaps others will also find hope in my "after school life story" and see that they too can make it.
So this is my journey. This is the big chapter. The one that starts the rising action of my life. Who knows what could happen. Stay tuned.
All your life it has been nothing but routine and goal setting and expectations, and now...now what? How do you go from living a life centered around schooling to entering complete adulthood?
Well if you know the answer can you please tell me? Because that is the standing in which I have found myself. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? Did I pick the right degree? What do I even do with it? Will this piece of paper ever get me anywhere or was it a waste of time and money? How can I get a job when they want experience and I have none to offer? How can I get experience if no one will hire me because I do not have experience? Seems like a major Catch-22 to me.
So, I have created this blog in hopes of hearing from others who have been through this same situation, to give me hope that there's more than just attending school. That life will turn around and I will stop feeling so lost in such a huge world. My other hope in creating this blog is that if I do find a way to get through this difficult chapter in life then perhaps others will also find hope in my "after school life story" and see that they too can make it.
So this is my journey. This is the big chapter. The one that starts the rising action of my life. Who knows what could happen. Stay tuned.
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